Love and Pain
by Daisainan Neko
Summary: After Zuko's mother leaves, his life takes a turn for the worst. He becomes confused and hurt. One-shot. WARNING CHILD ABUSE. Other characters: Iroh, Azula, Ozai. I know I should be working on my Zutara story, but this just popped into my head.


In the two months since Zuko's mother had been banished, his life had taken a turn for the worst. It was so bad, in fact, that Zuko found he was often hiding out in his room, trying to escape the relentless torment that was his life. He cried himself to sleep every night; that is, if he ended up sleeping at all. He missed her so much, his heart felt as though it had been trampled and torn up by a furious komodo-rhino. His father was definitely the komodo-rhino is this situation. Zuko knew his father had something to do with his mother's banishment. Just to add to this sting, his father made it pretty obvious he hated every bit of Zuko. Nothing Zuko did was ever good enough, and his father made it clear how he felt about that.

The ache in Zuko's heart was crushing him and his very soul. There wasn't a moment in the day that he didn't spend thinking about his mother. His whole world was being destroyed. Why couldn't there just be one place he could go that was full of happiness, love, and peace between everyone? He longed for how things were all those years ago on Ember Island. Everything had seemed perfect, and Zuko had not a care in the world. Lu Ten had been alive then, and Zuko and Azula could play like normal siblings, like they were actually friends. Looking back on it now, it almost seemed like those memories were someone else's.

After all, how could something change so fast and so drastically like that? It was just so frustrating and difficult for Zuko to accept.

Zuko had sat on his bed one day, thinking about all of this. He had gotten so grief stricken and angry that things had to change the way they did that he ended up shouting, crying, throwing, and punching things in his room. After that breakdown, he had just done his best to block everything out. Zuko tried his hardest not to think about it, because then he wouldn't have to face it all.

Zuko was now kneeling in his father's throne room, which was empty except for him and Ozai. Zuko listened with growing despair as his father lectured him on how a real, strong, brave prince should act. Azula had heard Zuko crying the night before and told Ozai. This was unacceptable of course, because no prince of the Fire Nation should be crying himself to sleep. The disgrace, the weakness! Zuko listened as his father continued on about how he was trying to mold Zuko into a soldier, but how could he? Zuko was still a child that needed to cling to his mother.

"I was right to get rid of Ursa. She weakened you even further. Yet you continue to cry for the useless bitch. Can you not see she was hindering you?"

Zuko kept his mouth shut, even as his mother was insulted. If he spoke disrespectfully to his father, especially during a lecture, the beating would be more unbearable than usual.

Ozai's face was contorted with hate as he continued, "I am ashamed to have a son like you. Azula, your _little sister_, is better than you at everything. She is a marvelous prodigy, the pride of the royal family. You are worthless, and you don't deserve a place in this family. She was born lucky, and you were lucky to be born."

Zuko knew he shouldn't have, but he did it anyway. His emotions, trapped for so long, erupted like a volcano. "Why is that, father?! Why is she so much better than me at everything? I'm trying my hardest, I swear! I know I'm bad anyway, and I know I'm worthless! But I _do_ love you, and I _do _want to make you proud! Why is everything I do never good enough? Why don't you love me like you love Azula? It isn't fair!"

Zuko gasped for breath, and looked up at his father with tears streaming down his face. Ozai's face was as still as stone. It was the scary calm attitude he always got before he unleashed his wrath. It was worse than him just yelling. The calm was the sign of impending doom. Still eerily calm, Ozai lowered the flames around his throne so he could descend towards Zuko. When he was in front of his son, the flames returned to full height, adding to Ozai's imposing air and causing Zuko to shake in fear.

His face was still a perfect mask of indifference as he brought his leg back and delivered a kick to Zuko's chin. Zuko was thrown onto his back, pain already coursing through his body. Ozai kneeled beside his son and began punching him mercilessly in the face, stomach, and chest.

"STOP! FATHER, PLEASE!" Zuko cried out, yelping every time Ozai's fist made contact with his fragile eleven-year-old body. Zuko lifted his arms in an attempt to protect his face. But this action left the rest of him wide open. Ozai punched his stomach so hard and so many times that Zuko began coughing up blood between his screams.

After Ozai was satisfied (and after Zuko's face was smeared with his own blood), the Fire Lord stood towering above his beaten and sobbing son. Ozai sneered in disgust as Zuko curled into the fetal position, whimpering in pain and fear.

"Don't ever speak like that to me again," he shook his head in disappointment. "You can't even take a beating like a soldier, like a prince. You are a failure. Get out of my sight," with that, Ozai turned his back on his son and returned to his throne.

Zuko scrambled to his feet as fast as his body would allow him. He stumbled out of the room, staggering through the corridors towards his bedroom, his only safe haven. He reached the doorway of his room and had to pause. The pain caused white spots to appear in his vision, and his head became dizzy. He steadied himself against the doorframe until it passed. Once it had, a voice sounded behind him and Zuko felt his heart skip a beat.

"Zuzu, what's wrong? Did father punish you for being such a failure again?" Zuko turned to see Azula standing behind him, arms crossed and her cruel smirk in place.

"Shut up, Azula," he hissed. "I am not a failure!" He angrily balled his fists at his sides, his pain the only thing keeping him from leaping on his sister.

"Oh? Then why doesn't father love you? I'm the one who has all his love. Do you really think he would ever let _you _become the next Fire Lord? You probably won't even last that long. Look at what one little beating did to you," she sneered, her hands on her hips. "You're weak without mother to coddle you."

"Azula, I will be Fire Lord!" Zuko roared. "And father does love me! He's just helping me become a better soldier!" All the pain forgotten in the midst of his anger, Zuko stood before her, his face close to hers. "You're lying!"

Unnerved, she smiled sinisterly. "Keep telling yourself that."

"You bitch!" Zuko shouted, forgetting his manners, because he was _pissed_. Azula's arrogant expression turned to rage, her eyes narrowed. In a flash, she had brought her hand back and scratched her razor sharp nails across Zuko's cheek. He gasped and stepped back, clutching his cheek at the stinging. He slowly raised his eyes to meet hers, and Zuko came to a painful realization in that moment. His little sister was the dominant one… He was weak… His father was right. Azula was right.

No. He had to be strong. They were wrong to do this to him…

He needed to stop fooling himself! Failure! Worthless! Stupid! Weak! That was what he was.

No, mother didn't believe he was any of that. Neither did Uncle. They loved him! They had to be right. They had to be.

Then why would his own father and sister hate him so much? It was because he wasn't worth their love.

Zuko's inner turmoil was interrupted by the arrival of Ozai. "What is going on? Why has there been shouting?" He narrowed his eyes at Zuko. "What did you do?"

Zuko opened his mouth to reply, but Azula beat him to it. "Father, Zuko called me a vile name."

Ozai turned his angry glare on Zuko. "Something is wrong with you," he grabbed Zuko's wrists roughly. "You continue to be disrespectful. Was that beating not enough for you?" He shoved Zuko against the wall by the neck and lifted him off the floor so that his fear-stricken eyes and Ozai's angry eyes were level. "If you are ever disrespectful in such a way to either of us again, I will not hesitate to punish you even more severely."

Ozai let Zuko drop to the floor, clutching his neck. Ozai put a hand on Azula's back to lead her away, and she looked back at Zuko with a triumphant grin on her face. As soon as they had rounded the corner, Zuko ran into his room and lay on his bed, crying. Now that the distraction of arguing with Azula was gone, the pain from the beating had returned full-force. The emotional pain, his heartache turning into something akin to raw stabbing pains, also destroyed him inside. Everything they said about him was true. Zuko wanted his mother so much in that moment, and in his hysteria ridiculous thoughts worked their way to the surface of his mind.

She left because of him. She felt the same way about him as Azula and Ozai did. His mother didn't want him in her life.

Overcome with anger at himself, Zuko screamed until a bit of the weight in his chest was relieved. He grabbed his pillow and curled around it, crying into it. Ten minutes at the most had passed when Zuko heard the sound of someone walking into his room. He froze in fear, squeezing his eyes shut. A large weight settled on his bed by his feet, and a voice he knew well spoke softly.

"Zuko, you are the most important thing in my life, and in your mother's life. I love you so much and I hate to see you this way. Your mother would be here if she could, but she had to go, for your sake. I know you don't understand, but trust me, your mother loves you more than anything in the world," Iroh said gently, his eyes full of love and concern. "And so do I."

Zuko sat up slowly, trying to suppress the pain. He breathed deeply for a few moments, his breath hitching with sobs. He finally looked up at his Uncle, revealing a bruised and scratched face. Zuko's golden eyes were filled with sadness and pooling with tears. Iroh scooted towards his nephew and they hugged tightly, Zuko burying his face in his Uncle's shoulder. "I love you too, Uncle."


End file.
